‘They’re taught that showing feelings is shameful’: eight reasons men don’t go to therapy – and why they should

Key Highlights

• He looks sheepish at first; then emboldened, he gives an emphatic “No.” As is almost always the case, Jake’s wife has registered a problem that has passed him by, and prompted his visit.
• Over the next few weeks, we sift through a maze of obstacles, and in the end, Jake is full of emotion: “I’m alone in the world, everyone leans on me, there’s no one for me,” he says.
• “There’s no one to turn to.”It’s a common pattern, one I’ve seen throughout my 35 years as a psychologist specialising in male mental health.
• Men make up only 33% of referrals to NHS talking therapies.
• They don’t come easily, and when they do seek help in a crisis, they can disappear as suddenly as they arrive.